Complicated Simplicity
by Hannah8
Summary: The story of an affair
1. Different Now

Disclaimer: I don't own Abby. Carter or any of the ER 'gang'

Authors Notes: Just a thank you to Carzie and Carrie who give me constant reassurance that writing is worth it. Lets see shall we. This is the first series I've contemplated doing in a long time. Each chapter will be in either Carter or Lukas POV – I can't decide which ship I want to go for so I'm writing sympathetically (I hope at least). Any suggestions, queries or constructive criticism welcome – either leave a review here or email me at doojit2002@yahoo.co.uk. You can check up on the progress of the upcoming chapters at .

Complicated Simplicity Chapter 1 (Luka) 

It's different now to the beginning.

Before it was exciting, romantic, well, it got to be that way when we got over the bad patch at the beginning.

Now its different, now romance barely exists.

I don't know; maybe its me being negative, maybe something is really wrong or maybe this is just the way all American relationships end up.

Perhaps our first date was a sign – we were doomed from the start perhaps we had been over before we'd begun.

Whatever had happened, we've changed since then.

We were happier as a couple back then.

When we were first together, well, when things got back on the rails we spent a lot of time together, we'd work roughly the same shifts then we'd go out to the movies or for dinner and then we'd go home together.

It's not like that anymore.

We rarely work together now and if we do its only when our shifts overlap; we pretend that it's a kink in the scheduling but neither of us has done anything to change it.

We no longer 'go out' together. If we go out for a meal its only because we cant be bothered to cook, there's nothing romantic about it.

Abby goes out quite a lot. Apparently she's come back into contact with an old friend so they go out once a week, I don't ask where anymore, I used to when I was trying to make conversation but she never gave me a straight answer so I stopped asking.

She also goes out on Thursdays, that's if you can call AA meetings 'out' but still, it means she's not with me. I have offered to go with her but she says it would be better if she did it alone so I leave her to get on with it.

As for coming home together it doesn't happen anymore, well, not on purpose, obviously if we go out to eat we come back together but it doesn't happen in other situations.

Because our shifts are different its not likely that we'll arrive home with each other. If she knows I'm at my apartment she'll come here and if she knows I'm at work she'll go back to hers.

She's here now.

She's asleep at the minute. 

"Hey"

"Hi"

"Your shift OK?"

"Yeah, not to bad"

"Good"

An awkward silence takes its place.

"Coffee?"

"No thanks"

There that silence goes again

"You know I think I'm just going to bed"

"Ok; I'll be in soon"

The quick peck on the cheek is more of a formality than a display of affection.

That was an hour ago.

I broke the routine tonight.

Instead of following her into the bedroom I stayed and watched TV. According to my inner 'demons' I didn't want to disturb her sleep but realistically I wanted to think and the TV made good background noise. Then it got to the point where I could no longer stand the late night TV anymore. So I went to bed.

There is no background noise now, just breathing.

The breathing isn't loud but it's distracting, hypnotising. Like snoring its monotony and predictability can draw you to sleep or insomnia. Tonight it's the latter.

I try to sleep but I can't, her breathing and continuous moving are off-putting.

Her hair has been scraped back off her face which is unusual, its almost like she knew that I'd be here stuck here unable and unwilling to sleep.

I told her once before that she was beautiful, I wasn't lying – she is. She doesn't believe it of course that would be against her self-discipline.

She continues to hide behind her self-discipline. Even after all this time I can't work out what she's thinking or how she's feeling.

And so like with the bedcovers the barrier between us grows even taller.


	2. She's With Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Abby, Carter or any of the ER 'gang'

Authors Notes: Again a thank you to Carzie and Carrie because you're the best. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time –as fellow writers know, there's nothing better than a constructive review – either leave me one here or email me at carbyuk2002@yahoo.co.uk

**Complicated Simplicity**

**Chapter 2 (Carter)**

She's with me. She's straddled over my thighs, gently massaging my lower back.

I can't see her but I know she looks tired; she spends a lot of time looking tired. She looks beautiful when she's tired, she looks innocent without looking totally naive.

But we're not innocent. Far from it.

She's been with me for quite a while now. I don't just mean tonight; it's been nearly 1-½ months now and I've loved every second of it. I go to sleep next to her and if I'm lucky she's still there when I wake up. Excuse the apparent contradiction but the routine is exciting.

She comes back to my apartment after her shift. I don't know how she manages to get out but I don't ask, I'm probably better off not knowing.

Some nights we'll have dinner and then make love until the early hours, others we'll just sit in the apartment making meaningless conversation and then there are some nights, like tonight, that we never make it out of the bedroom. I like these nights the best, we talk about the important stuff – all the important stuff within the one ground rule – we don't talk about Luka.

Apparently he has nothing to do with us, but he does, he has everything to do with us, he's the reason I don't wake up to her most mornings, it's him that makes this what it shouldn't be – an illicit affair, or maybe its me that does that.

I won't lie and say that I hate sneaking around because it's not true, it's exciting and I want her more because I know I can't have her. The stolen moments at work, conveniently taking patients upstairs together, secret rendezvous' in the lounge or occasionally the storage closet in the ICU and the glances we share across traumas make my heart race but they break my heart at the same time. Knowing I can't touch her, put my arms around her or kiss her until we're behind closed doors and knowing that she's waking up between his sheets kills me. The lying to everyone, lying to her, pretending that being with her is enough. But it's not. I want her to be with me. I don't want to give her an ultimatum but I want her to choose. I want her to choose me.

I can feel myself tensing underneath her hands. Her touch on my back becomes slower and lighter until she stops and comes to lie down next to me.

I don't want to talk now, well; I don't want to talk about _this_ now.

I shift my weight and take her take her newfound position as a cue to return the favour but she stops me and I roll back onto my side to face her. Our noses are almost touching. She brings her hand to my face, slowly her hand grazes my cheek, my jaw, my neck, it finally finds its resting place on my chest. My eyes leave their focus on her hand and move back towards her face

She does the same except instead on looking back at my face she gazes into my eyes. She's searching for something.

'That feel better?'

I nod and smile not trusting my mouth to speak.

She smiles back and takes a long blink but her gaze still manages to find its way back to my eyes.

It's an unnerving move, I feel so uncovered when she does that, it makes it harder to lie when somebody's searching for the answer they want in all the right places.

'Are you Okay?'

Again all I can do is nod and smile, only this time I have to look away – avoid her gaze.

'Carter, look at me?'

Her hand moves from my chest back up to my face. She does it in a way that mesmerizes me. My eyes meet hers again.

'You sure you're Okay? You've been really quiet tonight'

I want to look away but there's something in her gaze that keeps my eyes fixed.

'Yeah, I'm just…you know… a little out of it tonight'

She leans in and kisses me.

When I next see her face she's smiling, she looks happy if not slightly weary.

'I better be going'

I nod. It had to happen eventually, I didn't realise how quickly a few hours could pass by.

We get off the bed and I follow her through towards the door.

I hand her her coat and help her put it on. She checks herself in the mirror, I assume to make herself look as innocent as possible. She sighs heavily.

'Stay' I repeat over and over in my head

'What?'

Apparently I said it out loud too.

'Stay tonight'

'I can't'

'Why not?'

'Luka's expecting me home'

'Say you went back to your place'

'No, John, he's expecting me, maybe some other time'

'Okay' my voice is barely a whisper.

'Okay what?'

'Go'

She stares at me for a minute trying to find something to say. She reaches up and kisses me checking that there are no hard feelings.

We stand in the doorway a little longer and then she goes. She doesn't take her eyes off me until she reaches the bottom of the stairs and then she's gone.

A/N: Just a little thing – for those of you who remember when I wrote under the name Hna – I have recently received reviews asking for me to continue with my old fic 'Nine Months' at this current moment in time I have no plans to continue with it however I don't know how I'll feel in the future so you never know– if you have any comments/queries about this please email me at the above address.


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